This week I turned 20. To be honest, the feeling is bittersweet. I’m sure I’m not the only one who either feels like this or has ever felt like this.
Turning 20 totally removes the security blanket I’ve totally grown comfortable snuggling under. Adulthood is slowly creeping around the corner and expectations of me will be had.
I mean, growing up has it’s definite perks; independence being one of the most important. But, there’s something quite somber about closing a chapter in your life. I never thought I’d be one of those people who’d feel reluctant about losing the “-teen” in my age, but it makes me reflect on what was the most “free” time of my life. The virtue of being young and it being an excuse is lovely, and something I’ll always miss.
I know 20 is still young, but it just doesn’t sound the same. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to even have a birthday because the alternative to growing old is dying young and I have too much life to live for that. But, there’s that reminder that I’m slowly going to have to grow up and get a job, and pay bills, and live on my own and support myself. All those pressures are dizzying and intimidating.
I guess what kills me is knowing that I don’t have control over the future. I love to know what I’m doing next or how things are going to work out and I don’t. It’s a totally new time in my life guys.
Being who I am, I’m ultimately going to own being 20. I’m going to make sure that whatever I’m doing it, I’m the best at it. That’s not something I can help being me. I will wear 20 proudly and I will be young and live life and just do what makes me happy.
What I’ve realized that the older I get (haha I talk as if I’m 45 and going through a mid-life crisis or something) is that happiness is what matters most. Titles, status and stuff is all
bullshit. What matters is that you can say you lived a life that gave you memories you can be happy about. Things you can say you’d do again and again and again.
Moving forward into 20. I’m going to make sure I work hard to achieve my dreams, but that I never forget to stop and enjoy the little things. I never want to take a cool summer’s day breeze or a silly joke, or a beautiful clear blue sky for granted. Most importantly I’m going to aim to have balance and to always be sure to make time for myself, my passions and the loved ones I’m so lucky to have.
20 is great, it’s the start of a beautiful life directed by me and only me. So, in essence, I’m gaining a lot more than I’m losing by ditching teenagedom. So 20, here I come. I just hope you’re ready for me!